A Lot to Take In

I had my 37 week appointment this week. Since the baby has been measuring big, the doctor ordered a growth ultrasound to get an idea of her size. The news was not good. She's already 10 pounds. This combined with my narrow pelvis has set me up for a scheduled c section. This is not at all what I had planned or hoped for. Actually, now that I'm faced with it I laugh at myself from 9 months ago. I was so sure I only cared about healthy baby and healthy me. When faced with reality, I care. This week I've gone from being a hysterical mess on Tuesday, to being kind of angry in Thursday, to accepting things pretty well today. I have another appointment on Wednesday, so I'll be able to ask more questions. And I have lots of questions. I've started doing more research about what choices I do have with the surgery though. I guess I always knew a c section would be a possibility, but I never really looked into details and possibilities. So it's good that I can have a list of talking points to take with me to my appointment this week. I will say my emotional well being wasn't helped by the fact that my appointment was with one of the other doctors. It was the first time I met her, but luckily I had been warned by other friends in the practice that she is not the mst warm and fuzzy person out there. She walked in the room and was like, "you're crying." and she just said it in this kind of annoyed tone. Then she said I wasn't as dilated as my doctor had said. And so on. So I left feeling sad, scared, and just overall down about the whole thing. I don't think she's a bad doctor, and my guess is that I would like her on an intellectual level. However, on Tuesday, what I really needed was a little more compassion. I know I'll write at least one more post this week about a related topic and how hurtful people can be. But for now, that's all I've got.